Why do we do social comparison even though we know it is toxic? Why do we seek external validation knowing that it ruins our happiness?
Turns out, this is an outcome of evolution.
Humans evolved in small tribes and groups, and in the wild, if someone was not liked by their tribe and was banished, it wasn’t long before hunger or a hungry wolf would finish off that person.
So your standing in your tribe was literally a matter of life and death.
Today, though we no longer live in that world, our brain is practically the same as it was 100,000 years back. So we continue to crave social validation as if our life depended on it — because it once did.
So if social comparison or validation seeking bothers you, remember that it is just your evolution-driven biology at work. Don’t beat yourself up for doing that.
But that doesn’t make these behaviors any less harmful.
In fact, we owe most social change to people who override their craving for social validation — be it social reformers or people who fought prejudices and biases.
What helped us survive is often the opposite of what helps us thrive. That is why it is so hard to go against the crowd — we fear banishment and death.
If you want to change the world, there is a price to pay. Nothing comes free.
– Rajan